Continuation of Husbands, I've Had A Few (Round One), then Aftermath of Round One, leading to Round One and a Half (Trust Me, You'll See) and finally:
I was living with my father, his wife and two children for almost a month and then had moved to a little house on my own. It was a cute, little place. Two bedrooms and looked suspiciously like a trailer that was remodeled to not look like a trailer. But, it was mine (to rent) and my 18 month old daughter's new home.
I met a guy at work who was a few years older than me, cute and seemed nice. Apparently he was also quite shy. I flirted with him, and flirted with him for months with no return. I assumed that it was because I was basically 'the bosses daughter'.
One day, I'd noticed his vehicle was in the parking lot overnight. I asked him why and he said that the battery in his vehicle was dead, so he'd walked home. I took this as a chance to be quite forward, put a note on his windshield that read "Next time you need a 'jump' just give me a call. Ha ha!" and put my phone number on it. Once again, he thought it was a joke and did not said anything. I had to just come out and straight up ask him out. Months later, I was pregnant (*sigh* I know..) and we got married. Our daughter was born after about 6 months of marriage, and he pretty much adopted (not in a legal standpoint, just in a sense) my daughter from the previous relationship.
The only thing that was really wrong with this guy was his mother. She was your typical mother-in-law. I'd found out that when he was single, she was doing his laundry and occasionally cleaning his place for him. He had one, regular, full-time job and his son every other weekend... how hard is that?! This coming from a one-time single mother with a full-time job, daycare to pay for, and no one to do any of the housework. She babied her one and only son, even as a full-grown adult in his thirties. But she also treated him like a child by yelling at him when he did/said something she thought was wrong. It was crazy. He pretty much turned into a toddler once he walked in the door. Oh, AND I was, of course, the biggest bitch, most wicked witch in the world...
After a few years, I'd taught this man to do the things every woman wishes she could get hers to do: laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids while I worked, cleaned or took a nap. It was fabulous! Yeah, I had him whipped. But, I also did things for him, too. He refused to go out with his friends, which occasionally I *did* try to get him to do. It worked once. *sigh*
There was one other thing that was wrong with him. He had the ability to blow money like there was no tomorrow. If he wasn't wanting the newest Play Station game, he wanted the newest game console, phone, gadget for this and that... hell, he wanted things to GIVE to other people. This was where I was forced to learn to hide money. Tips on this and a story about it, too, later.
After many years, according to my history, this many years was a LONG time, of decently happy marriage he became a truck driver. My father was, at the time, a truck driver and made very good money at it. My father is a very good, hard-working, loving man/father/husband. Any man who gets to know him, wants to be like him. Any woman who knows him, loves him and wishes their husband/son would be like him.
I was happy that my husband took this job. Not only did it give me plenty of time to myself, but I was more able to keep tabs on the finances, especially since there was to be more money now with his higher-paying job. Also better since I was no longer the one making most of the money. It helped his ego a bit, which was below none, thanks to his mother.
He was doing okay on the road, but there were his annoying calls, usually more than once a day, to whine and complain about the job or this guy, that guy, his boss, aches, pains, how he misses the family... you name it. It was okay, just a bit annoying when I'm taking care of the kids, the house, and bills. He was making enough money for both of us, so I'd quit my job to be able to take care of it all. Both kids were in school full time, so no need for daycare, too. In the end, we were still doing great in the way of money. So good, that we'd bought our first vehicle together. It was a nice, used, SUV with leather seats and all the bells and whistles I could think of. I loved it. Things were going awesome. Apparently... too awesome.
In our 6th year of marriage, around Thanksgiving, he gives me another call. He tells me he's being investigated by the Police. I jokingly asked him if it was because, like most truck drivers, he was "padding" his truck logs (which is how they keep track of how many miles driven and how long they've slept). He said it was because he's being accused of RAPE and has to turn himself into the Police in a few months. And my whole world turns upside down...
Long story short:
1. At that exact moment he told me this, he said he didn't do it. Claimed he never even met the woman.
2. On his way to turn himself in, months later, he confesses that he *did* meet her, but nothing happened, even though she flirted with him.
3. Hours after that, on his break given to him by the Police during interrogation where they'd shown him the evidence, he confesses that he DID have sex with her, but it was consensual.
So, he ends up in their jail until the court hearing, or whatever. I now had some thinking to do. I had been with this man for SIX years. Not only has he NEVER raised a hand to me, barely even yelled at me (I think we argued once, loudly. If we argued, it was just a long discussion... like it's supposed to be, you know?) and our sex life was good. There was one big argument, whereas I started wondering if he was cheating on me, when I got off early from my night job and came home at 10pm to find no one home and it turned out he went to get a tattoo... with our daughters, and some girl he worked with (a supposed lesbian) who was watching them while he had it done and didn't get back until midnight. He never did that crap, again. But, maybe since he wasn't home as much as before, gone for two weeks/home for a weekend, maybe it made him snap?! I was doing fine with it, just managing to be solo until he got home, so... why? Surely not. That's crazy. I mean "Insane in the Membrane" kind of crazy.
I'd found out this woman was married, and not attractive in any way. It pissed me off. WAIT! Don't think I'm taking his side over hers! It IS definitely possible he had something in his psyche just crack and make him go completely nuts. (You must keep reading for my reasoning of doubt.) But, the night 'the incident' happened she was on her way, within hours, of home. Now, my husband had a tendency to leave hickeys. Yes, childish and dumb, but I didn't mind much, unless they were the giant, big, DARK kinds he loved to make. I always stopped him from getting that far. Apparently... she did not. She had, as evidence, a giant, dark hickey on her neck, and of course other evidence, too. But, a hickey cannot wash off... I really do think that she was afraid of getting caught cheating by her husband. Probably because she did so often. I'd looked up her profile on the once popular 'myspace' and saw all her *shiver* scantily clad, sexy pictures of her quite obese self, showing her *shudder* cleavage and cute, little, girly tattoos around her *gag* nether-regions, making kissy faces to the camera AND it said she was SINGLE! The Police Department confirmed she was NOT. Even better, or worse from a moral point, she had plastered her story about his incident on her PAGE where her 300+ "friends" and the entire PUBLIC, including ME (a non-friend), could read it! WITH DETAIL about the incident. I don't know, but I know, personally, about 5 women who have been raped and they did NOT post it ANYWHERE them self, let alone tell more than the authorities, maybe a friend or close family member, church official, therapist, or significant other about it. Especially the VERY NEXT DAY after it happened. Also without one, single mention of her husband. So, hence my feelings of doubt and suspicion about her story.
Either way, it didn't make any difference to me. I divorced him (while he was in prison) because one, in my mind it's still cheating, and two, I could not have a husband who is a felon... let alone a publicly listed sexual predator... and never feel safe with my/our daughters again. I knew it would be devastating, at that moment, for our daughters (since I couldn't really tell these young children what he'd done) but it was for the best of the three of us. I couldn't allow them to go to this small-town school, where soon EVERYONE would know what their father/stepfather did and make accusations and wonder about their well-being along with my sanity, morality, stupidity, ignorance, etc.
But, I did try. After he had his very shot, in my opinion, time in prison, I allowed him to come back for a second chance.
I'd got a job and managed to save a lot of our tax refund (which is what I waited for before I got the divorce) to help pay the bills and for emergencies while he was gone which I'd had, in the form of CASH, in my purse. (Even though he begged me daily for 'commissary money' for things he "needed" like notebooks, stamps and batteries for his radio. Uh...no!)
The same day he came back, I laid down for a nap. He woke me up and said he needed to get shaving cream. I had thrown out all his stuff, except his clothes, which I gave to his mother. He said he 'hadn't had shaving cream in so long and was dying to have a really decent shave'. So I told him where the money was and he took the kids to the store to get his shaving cream.
I had woke up a couple hours later, and they were still gone. I assumed he was just being really sweet and letting me nap some more, in peace, while he entertained the kids at the store, maybe took them out to eat, or went to his mother's. Nope. He came in with bags and bags of stuff. INCLUDING a diamond ring and a new phone for HIM. He'd spent over $500!!! I cannot put enough exclamation marks to express my anger. I took all the stuff, gave him the shaving cream (which I was amazed he even remembered to get) and told him to get the hell out of the house now and never, ever come back. Then, promptly returned ALL the stuff back to the store for a refund.
The reconciliation lasted MAYBE 24 hours.
I was living with my father, his wife and two children for almost a month and then had moved to a little house on my own. It was a cute, little place. Two bedrooms and looked suspiciously like a trailer that was remodeled to not look like a trailer. But, it was mine (to rent) and my 18 month old daughter's new home.
I met a guy at work who was a few years older than me, cute and seemed nice. Apparently he was also quite shy. I flirted with him, and flirted with him for months with no return. I assumed that it was because I was basically 'the bosses daughter'.
One day, I'd noticed his vehicle was in the parking lot overnight. I asked him why and he said that the battery in his vehicle was dead, so he'd walked home. I took this as a chance to be quite forward, put a note on his windshield that read "Next time you need a 'jump' just give me a call. Ha ha!" and put my phone number on it. Once again, he thought it was a joke and did not said anything. I had to just come out and straight up ask him out. Months later, I was pregnant (*sigh* I know..) and we got married. Our daughter was born after about 6 months of marriage, and he pretty much adopted (not in a legal standpoint, just in a sense) my daughter from the previous relationship.
The only thing that was really wrong with this guy was his mother. She was your typical mother-in-law. I'd found out that when he was single, she was doing his laundry and occasionally cleaning his place for him. He had one, regular, full-time job and his son every other weekend... how hard is that?! This coming from a one-time single mother with a full-time job, daycare to pay for, and no one to do any of the housework. She babied her one and only son, even as a full-grown adult in his thirties. But she also treated him like a child by yelling at him when he did/said something she thought was wrong. It was crazy. He pretty much turned into a toddler once he walked in the door. Oh, AND I was, of course, the biggest bitch, most wicked witch in the world...
After a few years, I'd taught this man to do the things every woman wishes she could get hers to do: laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids while I worked, cleaned or took a nap. It was fabulous! Yeah, I had him whipped. But, I also did things for him, too. He refused to go out with his friends, which occasionally I *did* try to get him to do. It worked once. *sigh*
There was one other thing that was wrong with him. He had the ability to blow money like there was no tomorrow. If he wasn't wanting the newest Play Station game, he wanted the newest game console, phone, gadget for this and that... hell, he wanted things to GIVE to other people. This was where I was forced to learn to hide money. Tips on this and a story about it, too, later.
After many years, according to my history, this many years was a LONG time, of decently happy marriage he became a truck driver. My father was, at the time, a truck driver and made very good money at it. My father is a very good, hard-working, loving man/father/husband. Any man who gets to know him, wants to be like him. Any woman who knows him, loves him and wishes their husband/son would be like him.
I was happy that my husband took this job. Not only did it give me plenty of time to myself, but I was more able to keep tabs on the finances, especially since there was to be more money now with his higher-paying job. Also better since I was no longer the one making most of the money. It helped his ego a bit, which was below none, thanks to his mother.
He was doing okay on the road, but there were his annoying calls, usually more than once a day, to whine and complain about the job or this guy, that guy, his boss, aches, pains, how he misses the family... you name it. It was okay, just a bit annoying when I'm taking care of the kids, the house, and bills. He was making enough money for both of us, so I'd quit my job to be able to take care of it all. Both kids were in school full time, so no need for daycare, too. In the end, we were still doing great in the way of money. So good, that we'd bought our first vehicle together. It was a nice, used, SUV with leather seats and all the bells and whistles I could think of. I loved it. Things were going awesome. Apparently... too awesome.
In our 6th year of marriage, around Thanksgiving, he gives me another call. He tells me he's being investigated by the Police. I jokingly asked him if it was because, like most truck drivers, he was "padding" his truck logs (which is how they keep track of how many miles driven and how long they've slept). He said it was because he's being accused of RAPE and has to turn himself into the Police in a few months. And my whole world turns upside down...
Long story short:
1. At that exact moment he told me this, he said he didn't do it. Claimed he never even met the woman.
2. On his way to turn himself in, months later, he confesses that he *did* meet her, but nothing happened, even though she flirted with him.
3. Hours after that, on his break given to him by the Police during interrogation where they'd shown him the evidence, he confesses that he DID have sex with her, but it was consensual.
So, he ends up in their jail until the court hearing, or whatever. I now had some thinking to do. I had been with this man for SIX years. Not only has he NEVER raised a hand to me, barely even yelled at me (I think we argued once, loudly. If we argued, it was just a long discussion... like it's supposed to be, you know?) and our sex life was good. There was one big argument, whereas I started wondering if he was cheating on me, when I got off early from my night job and came home at 10pm to find no one home and it turned out he went to get a tattoo... with our daughters, and some girl he worked with (a supposed lesbian) who was watching them while he had it done and didn't get back until midnight. He never did that crap, again. But, maybe since he wasn't home as much as before, gone for two weeks/home for a weekend, maybe it made him snap?! I was doing fine with it, just managing to be solo until he got home, so... why? Surely not. That's crazy. I mean "Insane in the Membrane" kind of crazy.
I'd found out this woman was married, and not attractive in any way. It pissed me off. WAIT! Don't think I'm taking his side over hers! It IS definitely possible he had something in his psyche just crack and make him go completely nuts. (You must keep reading for my reasoning of doubt.) But, the night 'the incident' happened she was on her way, within hours, of home. Now, my husband had a tendency to leave hickeys. Yes, childish and dumb, but I didn't mind much, unless they were the giant, big, DARK kinds he loved to make. I always stopped him from getting that far. Apparently... she did not. She had, as evidence, a giant, dark hickey on her neck, and of course other evidence, too. But, a hickey cannot wash off... I really do think that she was afraid of getting caught cheating by her husband. Probably because she did so often. I'd looked up her profile on the once popular 'myspace' and saw all her *shiver* scantily clad, sexy pictures of her quite obese self, showing her *shudder* cleavage and cute, little, girly tattoos around her *gag* nether-regions, making kissy faces to the camera AND it said she was SINGLE! The Police Department confirmed she was NOT. Even better, or worse from a moral point, she had plastered her story about his incident on her PAGE where her 300+ "friends" and the entire PUBLIC, including ME (a non-friend), could read it! WITH DETAIL about the incident. I don't know, but I know, personally, about 5 women who have been raped and they did NOT post it ANYWHERE them self, let alone tell more than the authorities, maybe a friend or close family member, church official, therapist, or significant other about it. Especially the VERY NEXT DAY after it happened. Also without one, single mention of her husband. So, hence my feelings of doubt and suspicion about her story.
Either way, it didn't make any difference to me. I divorced him (while he was in prison) because one, in my mind it's still cheating, and two, I could not have a husband who is a felon... let alone a publicly listed sexual predator... and never feel safe with my/our daughters again. I knew it would be devastating, at that moment, for our daughters (since I couldn't really tell these young children what he'd done) but it was for the best of the three of us. I couldn't allow them to go to this small-town school, where soon EVERYONE would know what their father/stepfather did and make accusations and wonder about their well-being along with my sanity, morality, stupidity, ignorance, etc.
But, I did try. After he had his very shot, in my opinion, time in prison, I allowed him to come back for a second chance.
I'd got a job and managed to save a lot of our tax refund (which is what I waited for before I got the divorce) to help pay the bills and for emergencies while he was gone which I'd had, in the form of CASH, in my purse. (Even though he begged me daily for 'commissary money' for things he "needed" like notebooks, stamps and batteries for his radio. Uh...no!)
The same day he came back, I laid down for a nap. He woke me up and said he needed to get shaving cream. I had thrown out all his stuff, except his clothes, which I gave to his mother. He said he 'hadn't had shaving cream in so long and was dying to have a really decent shave'. So I told him where the money was and he took the kids to the store to get his shaving cream.
I had woke up a couple hours later, and they were still gone. I assumed he was just being really sweet and letting me nap some more, in peace, while he entertained the kids at the store, maybe took them out to eat, or went to his mother's. Nope. He came in with bags and bags of stuff. INCLUDING a diamond ring and a new phone for HIM. He'd spent over $500!!! I cannot put enough exclamation marks to express my anger. I took all the stuff, gave him the shaving cream (which I was amazed he even remembered to get) and told him to get the hell out of the house now and never, ever come back. Then, promptly returned ALL the stuff back to the store for a refund.
The reconciliation lasted MAYBE 24 hours.
